Dear the-guy-who-sat-beside-me-at-church,

 

Why do you have to choose that seat?

I was sitting in the middle of a half-empty row, where the only seat mates I have are two older ladies sitting three chairs away on my right. Let me tell you this: there were a lot of empty seats in the front rows.

I thought maybe you’re waiting for someone else or maybe you’re gonna make your way through after the songs are finished.

But you weren’t. And no one else came.

Didn’t you know that I was conscious and anxious the whole time? I shouldn’t be thinking about this and making a deal out of it. It’s just a small thing. We didn’t even know each other and there’s nothing going on, but I felt different.

Why choose that seat? It was really uncomfortable for me.

Yet I liked that uncomfortable feeling and it made me guilty. Even when you don’t really have any reason sitting there at all and it didn’t matter to you, well, it mattered to me. Because honestly? You sitting there made me repent to Jesus as I was singing so halfheartedly. My attention was divided.

But the truth is, you could sit anywhere you want to and I can choose to fix my eyes and heart to Jesus. And the second truth us, it was not your fault.

Why, out of all the empty chairs, you chose that seat? It made me wanna tell you how sorry I am.

Sorry if I couldn’t say a word when we’re told to greet each other. You smiled. I bowed. I could’ve done better.

Sorry if I called my friend when I saw her sitting two rows behind ours. Sorry if I called her to sit beside me just as I moved four chairs away from you. I just felt the need to keep my distance. It was something I’d have to do since your presence kept on distracting me, pulling me away from God. Again, it was not your fault.

You’re there to worship our first love, just as I am.

Maybe you were anxious too or maybe you felt being left, or you didn’t really care at all, but I have to free myself from all of these things. I wanna be free to worship God, with all of my heart for Him alone.

And I’m sorry.

Because I wanna choose Jesus. I choose Jesus over the small-time bliss that I was feeling with you beside me. I choose Jesus over the thought that maybe you could become someone special. I choose Jesus over being self-conscious of how you might see me as a lady. I choose Jesus.

Why you, out of all people, had the thought to sit beside me? It makes me want to know you.

I don’t know a bit of you, except that you love dancing to a worship song. (You see, you really got my attention.) But I hope you’re a godly man, living his life for Jesus. I hope that you found comfort on that chair you chose. I hope that my presence didn’t take you away from focusing on Jesus. I hope I didn’t made you feel left behind as I moved away. I hope that you were able to be at your best in front of God.

And while I know that there is a 0.001% chance of seeing you next time, I just hope that you’ll become the man God wants you to be. I hope that you’ll keep in increasing in wisdom and mature in your journey as a christian. And someday if that 0.001% chance happen, I hope we can be friends.

With the eternal love of God,

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