I was 4 the first time I heard about you.
Somebody told me I’m gonna need you in my life. He said you would be a great friend. He said you would give me things when I ask for it.
One day I asked you for a doll. I waited for days. No. Weeks. But you didn’t get me any. Maybe what he said was not true. I stopped believing.
I was 7 when my mother told me to have you as my close friend.
She said you’ll make me happy. She told me you’ll always be my friend, even when I throw tantrums. And you will always love me no matter what.
But what do I know about love? I was 7. Okay, I said.
But I kept you a hundred meters away, thinking I’m gonna need you for something someday. I kept you not too close, yet not too far.
I grew up having you around, a hundred meters away, and a great wall amidst us.
During those years, friends come when I ask for help in school. My parents provided for my needs, even wants. When I needed someone to talk to, I have people around me who listened.
All of them said they did those because you made them to. Because of you. But I didn’t care. I already have everything, or so I thought.
Yet there were also times that I don’t have any and that’s fine. I was contented with whatever there is and have no issues about it.
Maybe that’s just me. That’s my personality. I can get by. I’m used to it, as long as I am fine.
When I seldom glance at you, you look at me like you wanted to do something. Like you really cared for me. But I guess that was just my imagination. Why would you care if I kept you that distance from me? Why would you even bother?
It’s clear I don’t need you nearer. Or I was just so familiar of having you a hundred meters away that I’m not ready for any change, for you to go farther, nor nearer.
People kept telling me to let you be part of my life. Somebody would remind me to let you be my friend. And all I did was chuckle and say Yeah I already did.
But all that I really did was keep you a hundred meters away. All those times with the thought when would I ever need you?
I never really hated you. It’s just that, I never needed you.
And that picture went on for 10 years.
Until one night.
That one night.
I was 17 and I can remember it so well. I joined a summer camp and as expected, you were there too. Because it was all really about you. Yet I went only to join my friends and have fun. To go with the flow.
And I didn’t know how but for the first time, I chose to pay attention to you. I chose to face you beyond that wall.
It’s like my heart was obligated to. Or did it move in its own will? Probably the latter. And you spoke to me. It was my impulse, I know, but I listened. I chose to listen.
You told me how you really feel. You told me so yourself. I didn’t heard it from a friend nor from my mother. You said you have loved me even before I knew it.
You told me how much you’ve looked and cared for me even from a hundred meters away. You showed me everything that you’ve done for me.
“That friend who helped you with your exams? I sent them. I told them to.”
“When your parents give you your needs and wants? I provided them.”
“That friend who comforted you? I told her that you’re hurting.”
“And when you’re being ill-treated, I so much wanted to defend you. But you won’t let me.”
“When you said you’re contented? I wanted to tell you not to settle for less. You can always ask me.“
“When you didn’t care, I love you still.”
Your eyes were watery. I was guilty.
At that moment, everything were like a puzzle pieces being brought together in one picture. It was all your love. All your grace. All your mercy. All your compassion.
You’re there in front of me confessing your love. And I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know how but this time, for the first time, I cared. But I didn’t know what to do. My mind was in chaos.
“Will you love me back?”
Before I knew it, you asked me the question.
All those times you were waiting for me to make the decision. All those times you were speaking to me. You were pursuing me. You were waiting for me to open my heart for you. You waited for me. Painfully.
Yet all I did was reject you. Despise you even. Neglect you. Never even dared to face you.
That night, I realized that you were the kind of man I want in my life. You’re loving, patient, kind, good, and gentle. You are a great man that I have never seen before.
I made the decision that I never thought I would do before.
This is the kind of man I want to keep. I would never hurt you again. I want to live my whole life with you. I want to have an intimate relationship with this man.
“Yes”, I whispered.
Not because I will be needing you (because you’re exactly everything that I need in the first place) but because everything you did taught me to love you, because you loved me first.
Everything around us was so subtle that I didn’t even realized I, myself broke the walls I built between us.
For the first time, I found true love.
It was special. It was my day 1. With you. I know it is the greatest decision that I have done in my life. And will remain still.
Since that day, joy and love has found me every single day. Even when unwanted situations happen, you have been there with me. Every single day, you start with an awestruck sunrise and end it with a beautiful sunset.
Since that day, you’ve been holding me tight, destroying everything that will keep me away from you. You never failed. Not even once. I know you never will. You help me, you give me, you cared for me, and you love me.
You are, not just a great man, but the greatest man I know. You will ever remain the greatest man.
Since that day, I never found someone more noble than you. Stronger than you. More faithful than you. More loving than you.
And this is my response. I will live for you. Honour you. Do everything for you. Make you happy. Love you for the rest of my life.
Everyday after is sweeter. Just as yesterday seems the sweetest yet today is sweeter, as you are here right now, beside me, smiling, while I am writing this story.